Monday, October 25, 2010

A Memory For Monday (With A Little Anxiety)

This morning, upon seeing fresh snow on the mountain tops, Joshua asked me, "Can I dwrive to the mountains with Daddy to wook at the snow?"

It's interesting that Joshua at just three years of age would already recognize the fact that
a. I wouldn't take him into the mountains to see the snow and
b. he didn't ask if I would go with him and Daddy to the mountains.

And though I swore I'd never let my kids know of my anxieties and fears.
Somehow, they must.

Maybe Joshua has noticed the slight tension between his two parents when doing such things as, driving in the snow, driving on a dirt road, driving in the rain, or driving on a windy, mountain road.  (We won't even mention flying in airplanes or riding in boats.)

The slight 'tension' in the car goes something like this:
Mike: "You don't have to be holding on so tight to the door handle." or "Sit back in your seat and just RELAX."
Me: "Well if you were driving slower, (or safer, or had the wipers on faster, or took the corners more cautiously, or weren't talking while you were driving, or weren't trying to point things out to the kids, or this or that.) OR if we had just stayed home, this wouldn't be an issue."
Mike: "Just R.E.L.A.X."

I don't remember when or why my fear ever began.
Although I do remember this particular drive very well.

In May 1983, we had come to America to visit my grandparents and attend my Uncle's wedding.    During our stay, my Uncle David took my brother and me on a scenic mountain drive through the windy mountain roads to climb the 'B' on the mountain close to my grandparent's house. As you can see, it was not an enjoyable drive for me.  It was probably not very scenic either, as tears frequently blur one's vision.

And such is my life.
Sure, I may have a little fear and anxiety in me.
But who doesn't?

(And on a completely unrelated side note-everyone at a family dinner last night was convinced this photo looks just like Ellie...)


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