After much deliberation last spring, I opted to send Drew to preschool this fall. Last Wednesday was his first day. I've waited for this day for almost 14 years--the day when all of my children would be occupied at school for some amount of time....
As Drew walked into school on his first day, he ran 6 feet ahead of me. I couldn't for the life of me get him to slow down and walk by my side, let alone hold my hand. It caused all sorts of mixed feelings as I turned around and saw him not even look up at me as I did my best to get his attention as I waved goodbye. I kept my sunglasses on, despite being in the shade, to cover my eyes. Not because I was embarrassed for anyone else to see my tears, but because it felt like too private of a moment. I didn't want anyone intruding on such a personal occasion.
I felt as though I had climbed to the peak of a mountain. I felt as though I had arrived at some sought after destination, only to be reminded that really I'd only made it to a small plateau, and I still have several mountains to scale. But that's ok--I'm getting stronger at the climb every day.
As I turned and looked at Drew one last time, knowing I had stiff competition with the play-dough already being molded in his little hand, I waved one last time, blowing a kiss that went no further than the sliding glass door.
I returned to the car alone. Essentially, alone for the first time in almost 14 years.
Today I took my baby to preschool. It's a day that will be etched into my heart forever.
It's very strange, isn't it? It brings on such a mix of emotions. But somehow they always seem so happy to move on to their next step, in spite of us being somewhat apprehensive. But then we usually adjust and end up enjoying our time alone. He looks so handsome for his first day!
ReplyDeleteYeah Drew! Enjoy your few hours!
ReplyDeleteWith both my kids in school full days, I've been pretty lonely--more so than I thought! All summer, I couldn't wait till they were back to school, but the house is too quiet. It is a right of passage for any mother and I am surprised at how difficult it's been for me. They are only in 1st an 5th grade, but I know how quickly time passes. "The days are long but the years are short."
ReplyDelete