The Ordinary

One evening in late March, Drew ran an errand with Mike over to our office. I'm not exactly sure why Drew was wearing his swimming suit, and I'm pretty sure the temperature wasn't any higher than the 60's, but nonetheless Drew went. Turns out they made an unexpected visit to The Chief (friend in the next office over), and Mike captured this beauty of Drew deep in conversation. I think I should begin a scientific study as to why Drew's little bum crack is more often than not...exposed.

Unfortunately, Mike and I are not the kind of parents to laugh at all of our children's antics. Too often we're irritated about the children's poor timing and/or lack of judgement to give into the capers of youth. It seems they always attempt their comedian acts right around bedtime, when Mike and I are not typically in easily entertainable moods. However, one particular night when Ellie stalled the bedtime routine to return downstairs to show us this hairstyle, we couldn't help but laugh.

My in-laws are great to invite my children to their house to sleep-over. Apparently, Joshua and Drew put on quite the "Pirate Show" for them.

You'd think perhaps I should let this next photo be a blog post of its own, but not this time. There's getting to be too many...Meet Packer, (as in Green Bay Packers) Luke's newest goat. Which I will take 100% responsibility for adding to the family. Hank was getting to be lonely, and Luke felt badly for him, which in turn made me feel badly for both Luke and Hank. Luke kept saying he wished Hank had a friend, and I would think, "Oh dear! How lonely for Hank not to have a friend!" and Mike would roll his eyes and say Luke has enough animals and tasks to keep him busy, and then Luke would look at me and I'd think about lonely ole Hank outside all day by himself, and so I, yes, I took Luke to get this new goat. It is actually Dudley's brother from the same litter, which of course endeared him to me even more. What?? Why oh why are goats endearing themselves to me?????????????

(Mike rolled his eyes when I told him I teared up while taking this photo of Packer and Hank meeting for the first time. Or maybe he was rolling his eyes because I was tearing up about it still hours later when telling Mike about the meeting. Roll your eyes if you must, but I see the beginning of a tender goat friendship here.)

When the stomach flu went the rounds of all seven of us last week, I tried not to mentally blame Joshua for being the first to get it and thus pass it all along to us. But then I see his sad, sick face in this photo and wonder what kind of mother was I to think it was his fault?

(Yes, we use empty ice buckets as throw up buckets around here. In fact, Ellie returned from somewhere recently and was describing the ice cream they had at the event: "It was the ice cream that you get in throw-up buckets.") 

Megan thinks she is hilarious and wanted to trick everyone into thinking this was jello in the glasses. Upon the "fool" lifting up the glass it was discovered it was nothing more than colored water and we had quite the mess to clean up.

Such is life around here.

“You need to let the little things that would ordinarily bore you suddenly thrill you.” 

― Andy Warhol

Saying Goodbye

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

~ Kahlil Gibran

(Luke and Dudley, July 2013)

I don't find it a coincidence that for several hours on Saturday morning, this display on the bookshelf in my room was in my main line of vision. A plate with a quote about remembering moments, a statue of a mother holding her child, and a home-made Mother's Day gift from Luke in 2010.

I will always remember the moments of Saturday morning. I will forever remember holding Luke as he sobbed, and I hope Luke will (one day) see the continued fulfillment of his 2010 sentiments to me, "Thank you for everything you do."

On Saturday morning, Luke's beloved goat Dudley died. Unlike the events surrounding Lily's death in January, Mike and I seemed to know very early on that Dudley would not recover. This time we didn't take photos of Luke laying face to face with a goat, thinking it was just a temporary set-back. This time, as Luke lay face-to-face with Dudley on my bedroom floor, Mike and I knew what we were facing. Our hearts were heavy and it was nothing short of heartbreaking when we told Luke, Dudley was unlikely to recover.

I am reminded yet again of the blessing our little family is learning about life and death experiences with animals rather than people, but it is still so, so sad. Unless one really knows Luke, it is hard to understand exactly how much he loves his goats.Two times in less than a year doesn't seem fair, and like Megan sobbed into my shoulder Saturday morning, "He's only 12! How much is he supposed to take?"

As the sign on my shelf reads, ... "We don't remember days, we remember moments" ...There are several moments from today I know I'll never forget.

Luke's cry to me early Saturday morning that told me something was wrong.

Mike stepping out of his truck after he'd received a phone call summoning him home, and me seeing a parents love for a child "written" all over his face.

Luke in the bath tub with Dudley, and Mike lovingly kneeling by the side assisting.

The eye contact Mike and I made frequently with each other throughout the morning that spoke volumes.

Paul and Vickie coming to visit, and Paul lovingly attempting to render aid and then solemnly reminding us of the fragility of life.

Hearing sobs come from Ellie and Joshua when we told them, Dudley was likely to die.

Megan quietly standing looking down at Dudley with tears running down her face.

All seven of us gathered in my bedroom with a dying goat. Six of us crying about the sad situation, and Drew, the lone dry-eyed person in the room, concerned only about the logistics.

Mike, Luke and me alone in the bedroom with Dudley as Mike lovingly told us, "He's gone now."

Mike, with tears streaming down his face kneeling over Dudley as he wrapped him in a green sheet, preparing him for burial.

Seeing absolute devastation on my 12 year old boy's face and wishing with all my mother heart I could take his pain away.

Joshua and Drew's little faces resting on their arms as they peered out the family room window as a funeral procession of sorts passed them by.

Mike kneeling down and tenderly and softly placing Dudley in his final resting spot.

Mike's silent glance at Luke for approval before we began quietly filling dirt in the hole.

Standing next to Mike who was eye-to-eye with Hank propped up on the fence and both of us knowing Hank knew his buddy was gone.

Believing as a little family that somehow, somewhere, there is an animal heaven, and Lily and Dudley are together.

My mother heart is reminded yet again how much these animals mean to my young boy, and I made sure to take the time to remind all of my children that grief and sadness come because there has been an abundance of love.

We are blessed with the ability to love. Even though it means it is difficult to say goodbye.

**I know some will be curious about what happened to Dudley. Friday evening at 7pm when Luke last saw the goats for the night, they were completely normal and fine. Saturday morning, Luke found Dudley lethargic in his shelter with Hank close-by acting protectively worried. Our first thought was some kind of hypothermia and we brought Dudley into a warm tub thinking it would help him. We then laid him nearby on our bedroom floor in hopes he would soon recover. It became somewhat clear that hypothermia was probably not the issue, but Dudley instead experienced some type of respiratory distress.**

Just Another Summer Eve

The other day when the valley temperatures were soaring above triple digits, I suggested to Mike we should spend the evening up a nearby canyon that we have frequented in years past. It has been a while since we visited this particular canyon, that holds some fun family memories for us.

Knowing the temperatures would be much more pleasant in the canyon, Mike readily agreed. This canyon evening expedition of ours, just happened to fall a few days after the purchase of our new suburban. Which of course was absolutely deemed a NO-NO for muddy wet children playing in a canyon stream. So we pulled out our old less than reliable-have-to-press-the-gas-and-brakes-just-right-when-idling suburban for this particular trek up a mountainside where there is no cell phone reception.

Turns out the car worked out just fine for us.
Turns out it was a dang good thing we chose to take the old car...
Because somebody granted permission for us to take a long an extra body for our FAMILY outing...

I totally thought Mike was joking when I heard him answer in the affirmative Luke's question about whether Dudley could join us for our evening canyon adventure.

A goat on a family outing to the canyon?

"Oh, but Mom. He is training to be a pack goat. It will be really good practice for him."

Because I am so concerned about Dudley getting practice as a pack goat, for all the times we may need to have him pack our belongings up the side of a mountain.

Besides. If Dudley went a long the other evening for practice, how come I was the one carrying the lawn chairs, towels, and tray of Rice Krispie treats?

Our visits to Farmington Canyon, for some reason always mean making "hot tubs" out of the running creek. We visit a fair number of canyons and creeks, but none elicit the hot tub making efforts that Farmington Canyon always does.

Dudley apparently got preferential treatment. When somebody else complained it was cold when they fell in, they were told to buck up and not cry. (Joshua was told to wear his swimsuit, and chose not to!) When Dudley got wet and supposedly got "really cold"? He was taken back to the suburban and dried off with towels (plural) to keep him warm. One slight problem with that--Dudley wasn't in the count when Yours Truly counted out towels per family member.

At the end of our evening splendor, there may or may not have been a few family members that were wet and chilled from sitting in a "hot tub" made from a mountain stream and were upset that they (depending on their placement on the germaphobe scale)

a. didn't have a towel to use
b. didn't have a towel to use that wasn't already slightly damp from drying of a GOAT

I'm no longer sure where exactly we fall as a family on a "normal" scale.

A Disagreement

Mike and I are for the most part, on the same page with parenting. Of course we certainly have our disagreements over privileges, discipline, systems, etc. But really, more often than not, as far as parenting decisions go we agree with each other.

Except for the past 6 weeks or so, we've been in a little of a disagreement about one particular thing. Actually, I think Mike vacillated between "yes" and "no." I, on the other hand, never changed my original answer, "NO!!!!"

"The question" that was in question?

"Can I get another goat?"

Last year, when Luke got Lily, we knew 2 goats would be it. Luke was content, Mike and I were content, and all seemed well. Except of course, Lily didn't make it through the winter. Following Lily's death, Mike and I were very mindful that with spring and "goat-birth season" arriving, the question would certainly arise, "Can I get another goat?"

Now. I must explain Luke's grief over Lily is still very tender, raw and real. If he could, he would never get another animal if only Lily could come back. Of course she can't. Luke is convinced that Hank has never acted the same since that dreadful January day, and as much as Luke wants another goat, his convincing arguments are most often for Hank.

I said no. My mother heart doesn't want another baby animal and I certainly don't want to go through another winter with a baby goat. Hank is strong and healthy, and I don't worry about him. (Not that I ever worried about any of these *darn* goats until January!)

Mike knew my answer was no. Luke pretty much did too, as I always answered his questions with, "That's Dad's department."

Last week Mike was teetering very close to my side, and said to Luke, "I think for now your time, money and energy is best spent on the animals you already have." I was feeling very triumphant, until I saw Luke's face as he left our bedroom. I knew that another wave of grief was about to hit.

It did, and it wasn't pretty. It was downright heartbreaking. Both Mike and I had to hold back our own tears as Luke laid in our bed crying about missing Lily.

I knew I was dangerously at risk of losing my arguments, but I kept quiet and let Mike handle this wave of grief, with the exception of briefly chiming in, and helping Luke understand that another goat wouldn't make all his sadness go away.

Despite the heartbreaking grief, for a myriad of reasons, a few days later my answer was still a pretty firm "no." Mike on the other hand still kept wavering.

Saturday afternoon, I was busy at a Power of Moms event in Park City. Between my own responsibilities there, and my desire to listen to others, I was pretty occupied and in my own zone. And then I noticed I had a text message on my phone.

There were no words. Just this picture.

Obviously...
Luke won.
I lost.
And depending on who you ask, Mike is a hero or a villain.

Meet Dudley.
The latest addition to our lives.

Hank's New Duties

You know what springtime means, right? The last two springs have brought two new additions around here.  Hank in 2011 and Lily in 2012. We figured once Luke had two goats, we were done with goats. Of course, Lily died during the winter, and Luke feels strongly that Hank needs a new friend.

Mike and I really aren't so sure.

We see Luke still show such tender and heartfelt grief for Lily, that in those moments I think we'd magic a goat on the spot if we could.

On the other hand, we see Luke's checkbook register that accounts for all his income and spending, and pretty much every penny he earns goes to animal feed. In those moments we try to tell him that ONE goat, a rabbit and EIGHT chickens is probably sufficient for now.

Luke still has his heart set on getting another goat, specifically a "Pack Goat."

You know, the kind that will be used to pack heavy loads up mountain trails? You know, because we're always wishing we had a goat for the times we're packing heavy loads up mountain trails?

Luke has been googling goat saddle packs for weeks seeing how much they cost, and in addition has been reading up on all sorts of tips for training pack goats.

Luke is waiting patiently. (He thinks he's getting one, Mike and I still aren't so sure) Actually, I take that back, I wouldn't necessarily say he is waiting "patiently".

But I will say, he's improvising.

Always one to save a dollar, and to improvise where he can, Luke has been hard at work the past couple of weeks making his own goat pack.

The other day I drove onto the driveway and saw this:

Then it progressed to this:

 

Hank may well become a Pack Goat.

Not to mention tonight Luke's scout troop was scheduled to take a walk along a local public trail to clean up garbage. Apparently, pets were invited. I think the scout leaders expected one or two dogs, not a goat carrying a pack.

The grin on Luke's face was pretty hard to miss, as he bragged about Hank carrying the garbage bags on "his pack" and the dry cereal Luke carried along in a sandwich bag (courtesy of the tips on Google under "training pack goats") working like a charm to keep Hank's behavior in check.

I'm still not sure what the scout leaders thought of the whole thing.

Hank turning into a Pack Goat could quite possibly become a win-win for us all! Luke could quite possibly get his pack goat, without needing a new goat.

I LOVE this kid. (Meaning Luke, not the goat) Seriously, is there anyone like him? We NEVER know what he will think of next.

PS-Hank was the only pet that attended the scout activity.

Love is a Wonderful Thing

(Lily, August 2012)

Yesterday I wrote a total of 4 1/2 pages in my personal journal throughout the course of the day. I thought that a lot of what I wrote would eventually be turned into a blog post, but I have decided instead to leave most of my most tender feelings and thoughts in my personal journal alone.

However, there are a few things I would love to share. Namely, how wonderful the act of loving is. As I said to Ellie yesterday, "I think that our ability to love others is one of the greatest gifts we have been given in this life."

I will not start by giving the heart-wrenching and traumatic events that my dear son, Luke went though yesterday, but instead begin with the fact that Lily, Luke's beloved goat spent much of yesterday morning and afternoon laying on our family room floor. From the first events that occurred and even still today, I have been overwhelmed with thoughts of one word and the definition of that word I have seen displayed over and over in the last 36 hours.
Love

(Luke and Lily, January 2013)

Love
Luke spent hours yesterday lovingly by Lily's side, covering her with warm blankets, feeding her water, rubbing her body and legs, changing out towels, never leaving her side.

Love
Ellie's tears as she walked into the school, concerned about the condition of a goat. Not that it is the goat Ellie has such a fondness for, but the love she felt towards her big brother was obvious.

Love
The love of a parent that was so tender and real, that I felt emulate from Mike on the phone when he burst into tears and said, "I feel so bad for Luke." Immediately I began to cry too, and Mike told me he no longer thought Lily would recover.

Love
Walking into the house minutes after that phone call and seeing Luke laying on the family room floor. Nose to nose with Lily, his arm around her head sobbing. It is a picture I declined to take with the camera, but most certainly took in my mind.

Love
Mike and I sitting nearby on the couch, crying too, each taking turns to periodically lay down next to Luke to comfort Luke as he comforted Lily.

Love
Mike quietly, and almost reverently, every few minutes checking Lily's heartbeat.

Love
The heart-wrenching cries that came from Luke when Mike, while kneeling close to Lily and Luke whispered, "She's gone now."

Love
Me sitting on the couch holding Luke close to me, both of us quietly crying while Mike lovingly, silently and reverently wrapped Lily in a purple and white bed sheet.

Love
Within minutes of Luke answering his dear friend, Paul's question of, "How is Lily?", Mike, Luke and I see Paul in the very cold (not even teen temperatures), and of course through 15+ inches of snow, silently digging a burial spot for Luke's beloved Lily. Within moments, Mike joined Paul in the field and began digging too. (Bless Luke's heart, he picked up a shovel to begin digging too, until I whispered to him that he didn't have to help.) Tears streamed down my cheeks as Luke and I stood nearby watching two men who dearly, dearly love Luke perform an act of service in his behalf.

Love
Watching Paul help Mike as he gently carried Lily,  still wrapped carefully in the sheet to her burial spot. Paul took Lily from Mike and climbed into the hole to place her. After looking at Luke for his approval, Mike and Paul silently began covering the hole in with frozen dirt.

Love
Seeing Megan break down in tears as Mike told her of Lily's death. Listening to Megan tearfully say, "I'm just so so sad for Luke.

Love
The subdued atmosphere in our home Monday evening as everyone seemed to treat each other a little more kindly and a little more gently.

Love
Mike and I taking it in turns to lay next to Luke in bed as he cried himself to sleep.

Love
Mike and I coming to a new understanding of the depths of love for our son, and our deep desire to carry his pain entirely ourselves if we could.

Love
The fact that me, a once complete non-animal lover, has a soft spot in my heart for the animals my son so dearly loves.

One of the many prayers offered yesterday said, by I think Drew, was: "Thank you we can love Lily."

I think we always will.

A True Mother

There is a speech I frequently periodically give to my children when their behavior and/or attitude gets less than desirable. In short, I remind them of the fact that I gave them life. I remind them that the very fact they are alive and breathing is due to me (and Mike), and so if nothing else, that fact alone grants me respect.

They've each heard it over and over again, and every child of mine could probably give an impressive imitation version of the speech.

This week, I have added a line to my speech when should I ever have to give my speech again to Luke. It's a pretty simple line. In fact, one sentence is all.

"I drove goats to school for you."

Yes. You read that right.

This was me a few days ago.

I must give credit where credit is due. None of it would have been possible without my dear, kind neighbor who loaded the animals into the trailer and of course hooked the trailer to the suburban. All the while my dear husband worked a couple of counties away counting his blessings feeling badly he wasn't the one able to drive goats to school.

As I stood outside the school waiting for Luke and his class to come outside, I was mildly self conscious standing by a trailer with two loud goats inside, while my two pre-schoolers ran up and down the nearby stairs. Instead of ignoring the confused glance of a passer-by father, I simply smiled and declared, "I'm in the running for some Mother-of-the-year award." I'm not sure what his nervous laugh was a result of, the loud neah-ing sounds coming from the goats or my comment.

I'm really not a farm girl. If fact, what am I saying? I AM NOT a farm girl. As my dad likes to say, believe it or not I was once a proper little English school-girl. Yet somewhere along the way I took a drastic "wrong" turn and can now say I have driven goats to school for a 'show and tell'.

Although Hank and Lily stole the show, Luke was a pretty popular guy himself.

This better be a day Luke remembers for the rest of his life. The day his mother drove goats to school!! I don't ever pull trailers, let alone pulling a trailer carrying livestock.

What a mother!
Even if I do say so myself.

For the Love of Livestock

This last week Luke learned the first of many hard lessons as an animal lover. Hazel was sold! After finding out she was probably past her kid-bearing years, it was time to say farewell. Luke's little tender expression as he described his goodbye to her is a scene I hope to never forget. (I thank my lucky stars I wasn't there in person for their goodbye!)

In a momentary lapse of judgement  a few days before Hazel's departure, I completely stepped out of my true character and began to suggest to Mike we find someway to keep Hazel. Mike's response, "It is LIVESTOCK. You don't fall in love with LIVESTOCK."

He's wrong. If you are a young boy named Luke, you do. And if you are that young boy's mother, you do too by default.

As any tough young livestock lover would, the next afternoon Luke did his best to forget Hazel, and went to his local 4-H meeting to pick out his new project for this summer...

Meet Lily, the goat.

Luke picked the goat up on a Saturday afternoon. She didn't have a name until the next day. A few hours after Luke announced the name to us, I found a book of mine titled, "Naming Your Baby" on the floor by his bed. It warmed my heart at the thought of Luke using a baby name book to name a goat?!?

Luke had talked for weeks about how boy goats sell better than girl goats because they are bigger and have more meat, so I was very surprised to return home and discover that Luke had a girl goat.

Finally, I decided to flat-out ask Luke why it was he had chosen a girl-goat. I really thought he was going to tell me he had no-choice and the girl was all he could pick from. With a solemn and serious face Luke looked right at me and timidly said,

"The reason I didn't sell Hank last year was because I knew he would die for someone to eat his meat. Rob (the 4-H instructor) told me girls are popular because people get them to breed. They don't kill the girl goats as much for meat because they want them to breed. It will be easier to sell Lily knowing she won't die."

I'm not sure who was closer to tears during that little dialogue, Luke or me.

Even though we have already had (and will continue to have) many a conversation about Lily having to be sold at the County Fair later this year, I'm beginning to wonder who exactly those reminder conversations are for. Luke or me?

Not sure whether it is the goats that have captured my heart or my little boy, Luke.

Opportunities

Do you ever get to the end of a day, a week, or a month and realize you've tried your very best to make sure everyone's laundry is done, everybody has been fed and bathed, everyone has been taken to this activity or that, and you were even able to squeeze in moments of one-on-one time with each child and the husband! Everybody is happy and content!

BUT...ever wonder who has made sure MOM has been taken care of!? Sometimes we're the last ones on the list.

My friend Janelle is going to be addressing this very issue at a Power of Moms workshop "Taking Care of the "ME" in Mom." It will be held in a home in Farmington and promises to be a fulfilling, fun evening. Follow the link HERE to read more about it and to register.

Or if that one doesn't work for you, put Saturday, March 10th 10am-12pm on your calendar for one by my friend Lindsay in Provo. (Registration will be up soon!)

If none of those grab your fancy, maybe this will: a Couples Family Systems workshop being held in Orem on March 2nd. You can read more about it HERE.

And if none of the above appeals to you. Here's an opportunity that I may have soon...

Helping this goat give birth!
It gives me anxiety to think too much about it. When Luke runs in the house each day describing to me the telltale signs that the goat is indeed pregnant and will very likely give birth in the next month or so, I want to cry.

I'm not quite sure what in the world Mike and I have gotten ourselves into. All Mike says when I ask him what we need to do in preparation is smile and say, "I'm not sure, but I do know we need to go buy some full arm gloves."

Oh boy.

Now if those aren't some decent opportunities, I'm not quite sure what are.
Take your pick.

A Goat Wedding

To make a long story short, Hank had a room-mate move in the other night. Except the room-mate isn't just any old room-mate, it is a pregnant goat.

At least we hope she is pregnant.

It's kind of a long story, I'll make it quick.
Paul (Luke's mentor) was disappointed Luke wasn't able to sell Hank at the County Fair. Not that he doesn't like Hank, or want Hank living over there, (Au contraire!) he was just disappointed that Luke wasn't able to get a return on his investment and experience 'raising a goat to sell.'

Insert into the story an injured goat that Paul's son Clint found in the middle of nowhere a year or so ago, and gave a home.

Paul figured that homeless goat could become the mother of baby goats that Luke could raise and SELL at next year's county fair.

Luke and Mike picked up the goat about 6 weeks ago, and introduced me to her on the way to her "Goat House." (Really, what should I call that type of place?) The poor thing didn't even have a name, so I promptly named her Hazel, and off to* find a boyfriend* she went.

Luke informed me "She will come home after going through three cycles." He knew enough to (somewhat) know what he was talking about, and now he knows even more.

Thursday afternoon, Luke made me stop by Hazel's "temporary residence" to see if she was available to come home yet. Friday morning he begged me to take him to go and get Hazel. My response?

"Nowhere in my job description did it say I would transport livestock around town. That is Daddy's department. Ask him."

It was like waiting for Christmas morning for Luke! But finally Saturday evening, just as the sun was setting Hazel was introduced to Hank. I don't think it went too well.

Even though I have never been one to believe that animals should be treated like humans, I have found it slightly scandalous that a pregnant goat was moving in with Hank. So Sunday morning, just hours after Hank and Hazel's first night together I walked over to visit them. Luke was screwing down Hank's roof in final preparations for the impending wind storm. Pulling a red ribbon from my pocket, I informed Luke that is was time for Hank and Hazel to be married.

Poor Hazel was scared to death already of her new home, and was certainly showing some nerves as a 10 year old boy used a power tool above her head, and so as a result, Luke decided that trying to attach a red ribbon to her horns for a wedding ceremony wasn't the most nerve-settling thing we could do for her. And bless Luke's heart, he tried his best to brush her horrible snarled fur, but she'll have to get used to that gradually.

After trying our best to get them to stand together, I decided that I could pronounce them "man and wife" just as well with them three feet apart as side-by-side.

And so I now introduce to you, Hank and Hazel, husband and wife.

I don't doubt we are in for all sorts of adventures now with TWO GOATS, one of them likely pregnant!!

(Even though I record plenty of funny things on my blog that my kids say, I don't really think it would be appropriate to declare so publicly what Luke ran home telling me yesterday about Hank and Hazel. But believe me, I absolutely did record it in my personal journal. It's funny. Like laugh out loud funny. Sorry I can't share.)