Beauty

Mike is very detail oriented. And I don't just mean the twenty minutes he spends ironing one shirt or the forty five minutes he can spend cleaning a single toilet. Mike notices everything. We can't drive down the street or go on a walk without him calling our attention to something. Whether it is a sunset, the buds forming on a tree, the architecture of a building or the way a shadow/lighting falls on an object. Mike notices it all.

It's never been one of my favorite qualities of his. When I'm at Disneyland, I want to enjoy the rides, the characters and the atmosphere. Not the flowerbeds or the brickwork. When I'm at Buckingham Palace in London, I do not want to stop and look at the type of sprinkler head they use. When we are driving south on I-15 on our honeymoon, I want to talk about US, not be told to look out the window at every passing mountain peak.

As our children have gotten older, they are the same way. Mike and now our children notice EVERYTHING. There is rarely peace and quiet on our car-rides or family walks. (And it isn't JUST because of the fighting.) It's because of the never ending:
"Oh look at that."
"Look over there, hurry, don't miss it."
"Did you see that?"
"Oh that is cool."
"Now that is pretty."

Though I certainly appreciate a beautiful landscape and the wonders of nature, I don't usually notice them as frequently as Mike (or my children!).  But slowly, yet surely, Mike's observations have had an effect on me.  I have found myself being far more aware of the more intricate, less noticed beauties around me.

Take the other day for example.
While running along a local trail alone last week, something caught my eye. A faucet of sorts with water spray coming out was hidden amongst shrubs off to the side of the trail. The water had frozen into a beautiful 'shape.' I was proud of myself for noticing it, even more proud of myself for stopping to admire it and promptly thought I'd have to bring my family to see it. I knew they would love it. I couldn't wait!

Later that afternoon, taking full advantage of the fairly decent temperatures for January in Utah, I loaded Drew in the stroller. I instructed Luke and Joshua to get on their bikes, "There is something I want you to see." And off we headed.  In true Luke style, Luke sped off ahead of me and as I turned the corner, I saw that Luke had stopped in the middle of the trail.

My thoughts were:

He better not have stopped at what I want to show him.
I hope he has just stopped and won't notice it close by.

I want to show him what I 'found.'

As soon as I got within 'voice range' I heard Luke yell, "Mom, come see this. There is something really, really cool."  Instead of feeling disappointment that MY surprise was ruined, I smiled. A great big smile. My nine year old son, who so easily could have ridden right on by, paying no attention to the simple beauties around him noticed a simple water-spray-turned-ice-sculpture.

And I was glad.
It reminded me of an idea I once heard, about the day we meet God.  Perhaps He won't simply ask us the standard questions about whether or not we served our fellowman well, or did we truly love one another, or did we obey the commandments.  Maybe He's going to throw in a few questions that will really make people think about before they answer, "How did you like all those variety of trees around you?"  "Did you enjoy all those sunsets and sunrises?"  "How often did you visit those beautiful mountains I created, minutes from your home?"  Will we be able to tell God that we loved and enjoyed and even noticed His creations?

I've decided I'm not going to snap responses as much anymore that sound like, "No, I didn't see it, maybe I was looking at something else." or "It's a tree. Big deal." or "Aagh, let's just have quiet time and enjoy the drive."

I'm going to follow the example of Mike and my kids on this one.

I'm not going to just live in beautiful surroundings anymore, I'm going to notice them.

Thankfully, It's Over

Last weekend, Mike and I sat down and made a list of all the 'honey-dos' that we want to get down before this week, when life as we know it will change for several weeks.  Last Sunday night I went to bed knowing that we had quite a week ahead of us, and tried to remain calm and breathe deeply despite the lack of any space left on any of the white little squares on my calendar.

Amidst honey-do lists, loads of laundry, household chores, homework assignments, practicing and all the regular stuff.  And though there were a few moments of heated tempers, rattled nerves and mental confusion--we survived the week.  And what didn't get down, probably won't and that is OK.  We fit in quite a bit...

• Megan completed and turned in her Science Fair project...
• Luke completed his Pinewood Derby car Livestock Truck...

• Mike, as the Cubmaster, fulfilled his assignments at the Pinewood Derby...
• Doctors appointments and lab work...
• An five-eight hour day spent with three PTA members and a dear friend (with no PTA affiliation!) putting together silent auction baskets at my house...
• Listening to Megan's prepared-by-herself talk she has written for her first time speaking in Sacrament Meeting...
• An extra little friend sleeping over while his parents were out of town...
• Listening to Luke's prepared-with-some-nudging talk he has written to speak at an extended family meeting...
• Home teaching and a Presidency meeting at the same time in which both Mike and I were interrupted with phone calls...
• Some early mornings and late evenings plugging away on a writing assignment/deadline...
• A CRASHED computer with no back up of photos or personal documents and the external hard drive my brother purchased for me last week sitting UNOPENED on my desk...
• A missed Science Fair Open House because there were three other things on the calendar at the same time AND a sore throat and hurt ears...
• A family visit to a pizza parlor where I think only two children cried...
• A phone call Friday morning from Megan as soon as she arrived at school, telling me she had WON THE SCIENCE FAIR!!  And though I complimented her first, my MOTHER OF THE YEAR comment was, "Oh Megan, that's one more thing to fit on our calendar for February!"  (She is also going to the District Spelling Bee!)   If you know me very well, you know well my feelings about school science fairs and spelling bees......and going to the District Science Fair and District Spelling Bee are not high on my list of want-to-dos.

Such is life.

We survived the week.

Into a new week we go...

Someone Made A Mistake

I'm not sure when or how, but at some point in the past eight years or so, I reached a satisfaction with my body. Sure, I know I could be thinner, in better shape, have better hair, etc. etc. But I have children and other pursuits, and at the end of the day, I take deep satisfaction in the fact that I am a mother. When I consider the time, effort and energy motherhood takes, the rest seems quite insignificant. I believe acceptance and satisfaction is a HUGE part of happiness.

With all that said though, I have one BIG complaint about my body.
Why in the world did the creator of us all, only give women, TWO ARMS?  I can't understand why we get so many things added to our bodies after giving life to children (I'll spare you the details, because you know all too well the things I am talking about!) that why doesn't the birth of a baby produce extra arms instead of stretch marks and extra skin that really serve no purpose. Some extra arms (with different lengths) could really be put to use.

Think breakfast-
One arm could be pouring juice, one arm could be making the sandwich for home lunch, one arm could be signing the forgotten paper that was due YESTERDAY, one arm could be flipping the egg, one arm could be brushing hair and the other arm could be wiping up smeared applesauce...
Think lunch-
One arm could be answering a phone call, one arm could be pouring a drink, one arm could be holding a book to read, one arm could be stirring the macoroni, and one arm can be retrieving silverware from the garbage can...
Think after school-
One arm could be signing the completed homework sheet, one arm could be getting the after school snack, one arm could be getting meat out of the freezer to thaw, one arm could be comforting the toddler who just got pushed out of the way, one arm could be helping a practicing child hit the right notes on the piano...
Think dinner-
One arm could wipe the tears of the child who does not like the menu choice, one arm could stir the soup, one arm could answer the phone, one arm could spank help the child who is still sitting in front of an empty homework paper, one arm could clear off the table so we can sit at it to eat...
Think bedtime-
One arm could hug one child, one arm could hold the book while reading to another, one arm could pick up dirty clothes, one arm could turn off a light, one arm could pull down the bedspread and one arm can rub my tired eyes...

But alas, I have only two arms.
And it is NOWHERE near enough.
So someone and somethings will have to wait.

Now please excuse me, as I can't type, hold a child, pour a drink, wipe a nose and remove the twelve year old's toothbrush from the one year old's mouth all at the same time.

In the next life?
Forget a tall and slender body, forget great hair, forget ...
I want to be an OCTOPUS. 

Laughing Again

Today (and yesterday) marks five years from one of the saddest days of my life, and most certainly one of the saddest days of my BFF's life. Though time has certainly healed some pain for my dear friend, I will never forget the heartache and despair Melanie wore on her face for months.

Five years ago, I captured this photo. Two brothers and a dad surrounding a lifeless, perfectly formed little brother and son. I will never forget the haunting phone call I received from Melanie, following a routine ultrasound in which she declared,  "My baby has died."

On that dreary January day, I was taken back to the summer of 1995. When on a sunny, summer day, Melanie's mom passed away in a car accident. In the first day that followed that dreadful news, I felt as though Melanie and I would never laugh again. I truly believed it. Those first few days seemed gloomy and dark. Melanie was injured, her mother was dead and I knew life as we knew it had ended. I could not imagine 'Mel and Tiff' who were so often told to be quiet, calm down and act mature, would ever smile, let alone laugh and be ourselves ever again.

In 1995, about four days after the tragic car accident, I decided to help Melanie go outside and get some fresh air. With a borrowed wheelchair, I began to push Melanie up the slight incline of her street. I can't even remember exactly what happened next, but I do know the wheelchair got stuck, Melanie almost tipped out and there we were on the side of the road laughing. And I mean, really laughing. The tears-coming-out-your-eyes-belly-hurting and I-need-to-find-a-bathroom type laugh. We were laughing. Just days after I had convinced myself we never would again.

Back to that wintery, January day five years ago.
Though I recalled how soon we did indeed laugh again following her mom's death, this time I really doubted it. This time we were adults. We were not immature, single, college students with our real adult lives still ahead of us.  We were wives and we were mothers and Melanie had just been handed a heartbreaking, life-changing set back.  Her baby that shouldn't have been born for three more months, died before he could ever take a breath.

I'd like to say we found something to laugh about just a few days later, like we had ten years previously, but we didn't.  It was a horrible winter.  It seemed for weeks I would sit on Melanie's couch or she would come and sit on mine.  I have no recollections of what we talked about, what we ate or what we did.  It was a long, dark winter.

Five years have now passed.  I've had two babies since then, and she had one, a miracle in its truest form, her Jonah baby who is now three and a half!

Fortunately, Melanie and I proved myself wrong yet again, we have indeed laughed since her baby James' birth and death five years ago.  In fact, I can confidently say, we have laughed plenty. And though we are probably never told to be quiet, calm down and act mature, that is a probably a product of age and circumstance, not life experiences.  Melanie is a fine example of smiling, laughing and enjoying life amidst it's heartbreaks and disappointments.  What a friend to have!

Dessert Anyone?

Last Fall our neighbor friends introduced Mike and me to 'Skookies.'  It seemed at least once a week, Mike and I would put our kids to bed or in front of a movie and we'd head over to Kari and Kellen's for dessert!  Our kids always heard the word 'Skookie', and we always lied assured them they wouldn't like them and they weren't missing out...

And then our FABULOUS friends gave us our own Skookie pans as a Christmas gift.

We accepted the gifts graciously and interpreted them as,

"We love you so much we'd like you to have your own pans"

 NOT

"Here's your own pans. Now leave us alone on the weekends."

(Warm, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies topped with ice cream. 
Yum! And I don't even usually love cookies.)

By the way, we usually always have at least two people per Skookie, but Luke and I had much bigger eyes than our stomachs one evening--we ate until we were sick, still not finishing our portions!  We now have a 'Two-Person-Per-Pan Rule'.

And surely this has to be the cutest picture ever of someone dishing themselves up some ice cream!?

Mike often says he can skip dessert when there is a good main course (good meat).
Not me.
ALWAYS, ALWAYS room for dessert.

Friends and Miracles

(Brandi, Tiffany, Kim, Scarlet)

I love these ladies.  They are dear, dear friends.  Though some of us have been friends with each other for longer, the four of us have been friends together for six years now.   We have shared babies, deaths, struggles and joy.  We have shared some of our most personal, deepest thoughts and we have laughed until it hurts.  They are the true definition of 'friends.' I love them dearly.

(Brandi & Keith, Tiffany & Mike, Kim & Alan, Scarlet & Mark)

As I sat at a restaurant table surrounded by these wonderful people yesterday, I could not help but take my mind back to my thoughts and feelings on December 4th, when we should have been together and we weren't.

Sitting across the table and being able to look Mark and Scarlet in the eye is nothing short of a miracle.  I add my voices to the myriad of doctors that have already said it, 'Mark is a miracle.'  I love what Scarlet wrote on her blog yesterday, "Dr. Cook told him on Friday that his great challenge now is to figure out what the Lord wants him to do, why He allowed him to live and stay on the earth." 

Though Mark still has a lot of progress still to make, and a long journey ahead of him, being with him yesterday strengthened my faith in a God who loves us, hears our prayers, and performs miracles still today. 

Lucky Me!

More than ever before, it seems in the last year I have had enough experiences and/or interactions with others to make me truly, truly count as one of my greatest blessings, my husband Mike.

I'm not really the sappy type, and too often I'm heard saying a cutting remark, or seen rolling my eyes at my dear husband!  But I love him.  I truly do.

For the past few weeks, I've been grateful for some of the little things that make me treasure my relationship with him a little more.  Though there have been a myriad of experiences this last year, I think the culminating, cherry-on-top-I am-truly-blessed situations to have been privvy to have been, watching my dear friend Scarlet stand by her husband's side as he slowly recovers from a near death experience.  (You can read about her day to day ups and downs here.)  Her love is real.  She knows firsthand what it means 'For better or for worse, in sickness and in health.'  The other experience was watching a man stand at the graveside of his wife of twenty years.  (I wrote about the sudden death of Mike's work associate's wife last week, here.)

Life is so unsure and sometimes I need to not care so much about the glass of water I have to remove from his side of the bed in the morning (even though we don't have 'sides'), or the non-funny jokes he might tell or his rolled-up-filled-with-head-shavings-towel he always leaves on the bathroom counter.  There ARE more important things in life.

Our relationship is far from perfect, but we both feel pretty darn (are you impressed?) good about US.  I LOVE Mike. And just like most couples we have things that make us, US and I LOVE them...

• I love that he tells me often "I like just being with you."  
• I love that he spontaneously writes me love notes.  Even if I had to immediately rip the one up he wrote the other night, so no innocent child eyes ever saw it...
• I love that when we're going upstairs to bed he will often hide somewhere and jump out at me, even though he knows it makes me crazy to be alarmed.
• I love that even if I'm sleeping he either kisses me goodbye or says goodbye and waits for a response.
• I love that we go to bed together at the same time every night.  Even the other night at 8:43pm, when his back was done for the day and needed to lay down in bed and  I had a bazillion things I wanted to get done downstairs, but it's what we do.  So in bed I got too!
• I love that he is my biggest cheerleader.  Though he isn't a man of a lot of words, I know he is proud of things I do. 
• I love that our rule at church has always been, we sit next to each other.  Sure we may have kids on our lap, or kids either side, but our kids know they don't sit between us.
• I love that no matter how chaotic or crazy it is when he gets home from work, and how many people may be clamoring for his attention, he always finds his way to where I am to greet me personally.

A year ago, I received a message from somebody I didn't know telling me they believed my husband and I didn't have a good relationship.  Mike and I were both flabbergasted that somebody would assume such details of our life.  At the time, I chose not to react or respond, but I have to honestly admit it made me wonder what in the world I must write that one would assume that...

So...
I LOVE MIKE.
There you have it!