A Riddled Life

You know those riddle type things--
Why do we park on a driveway but drive on a parkway?
or
Why is it called rush hour when your car barely moves?
You know the ones.

I've had a few ponderings and reality checks lately that made me wonder if my own life is a riddle!

I make an effort each day to exercise, sometimes early in the dark, yet most mornings I've had a piece of chocolate or a sugar treat by 10am!

I make most of the things I cook 'from scratch', however, I have yet to make a box of jello without it 'not quite working.'

I often catch myself saying through clenched teeth and an unkind tone, "You need to speak nicely to each other."

There is currently what I call a science project going on in my shower, but watch out if a bed isn't made.

Why was it when I taught the Old Testament (including Isaiah!) to a group of adults last year, I left every lesson feeling pretty competent about the discussion and my efforts.   But, in the last five months, I have yet to come away from a Primary Sharing time teaching 3-11 year olds(!!) that I feel as though I did even a remotely decent job.  (Doesn't help that yesterday my object lesson FLOPPED...)

Telling lies around here has a zero tolerance policy and is not accepted, yet when Joshua asked me the other day, "Do you think when we aren't at our house, my Woody, Buzz and Jesse talk to each other?"  I answered, "You know what? Maybe they do!"

Hmmm-such are the perplexities and riddles of my life.
Surely, I'm not the only one whose life is resembling a riddle.

Different Kinds of Hard

Last night, I sat with some wonderful women and had a great discussion about hard and good being so closely related.  It really got me thinking about all the different kinds of hard we experience in the day to day of motherhood.  And I just mean the day to day stuff.  Not the really hard stuff that some people at different times are dealing with.  I mean the hard stuff that's so temporary, yet so real.

I think back to when I was pregnant with my first.  I received all sorts of advice and concern:
"You'll be tired."
"The baby will control your life."
"The newborn poop stains everything."

And then it seems that well-meaning parents of teenagers are always willing to give advice to mothers with younger children...
"Just wait until you have teenagers."
"Enjoy the time while they are young."
"You don't know what problems are until you have teenagers."
etc. etc. ETC.

Rarely do people ever mention the in-between newborn and teenager stage.  It's as though it is just supposed to be cheery and bright.  Seems everyone just says "Enjoy it, it goes by too quickly."
And really.
I am enjoying it.
But boy is it still hard sometimes.

A while back, a friend expressed her frustration with an elementary school aged child having problems with his academic studies and potty issues.

As she asked my thoughts, I really had very little to say except, 

"Motherhood is hard."

More recently, I was visiting with the principal of our elementary school.  We had just finished discussing some typical, normal, non-desirable, childhood behaviors.  I asked her, "Why does nobody tell you these parts of motherhood?  They just focus on what will be difficult about newborns.

I will never forget her reply (I am paraphrasing here), "I remember my daughter used to play at my feet in the kitchen, emptying the cans out of the cupboards.  It seemed hard at the time. And then one day you find yourself wishing the cans on the kitchen floor were the worst of your worries!"

As she was saying those words, I knew I had a one year old and three year old whose supervision was a daddy laying on his back in bed.  I made a mental note to 'enjoy' what mess I came home to, rather than some of the more monumental issues I was dealing with, with my older children in school.  

I'm past the sleepless nights of newborns and I'm not in the thick of teenage years yet, but you know what?

There are still some hard parts.
And maybe not AS hard as a past time or a future time.
But in its own way, still hard.
It is hard to:

• See a child come home from school trying not to cry because of how unkind 'a friend' was.
• Deal with a child who starts crying two minutes before the bus arrives and won't say a single word-and so eventually you just sort of shove them in the general vicinity of the bus. 
• Knowing your child has a deep longing for something that seems there is no earthly way to provide it for them
• Receive a phone call from the school principal when her reason for calling has nothing whatsoever to do with PTA.
• Watch children give a subject their all, and then see the tears of frustration, when it still isn't quite enough.
• And plenty of other things that are too personal to air so publicly.  

Motherhood isn't easy, and it's okay to recognize and accept that there is some hard IN EVERY STAGE!

Onward, ever onward.

Going Downhill?

I've had a few weeks to process a few thoughts I have had mulling about in my mind.  All of the stories and/or experiences have muddled together and put my brain in overload.

• There is this story, about padded bikinis for young girls sold by a popular clothing store.  
• An interaction I watched a month or so ago while getting a pedicure.
• Friend requests on Facebook 
• Keeping 70+ children safe in a church building for the duration of church meetings

And more recently, an extremely well written and very thought provoking blog post by a friend yesterday,   about teaching our daughters about sexuality.

My wise younger brother has on more than one occasion discussed his dismay with the overall conclusion 'we' draw, that in essence says society is worse than it ever was, and that evil and demoralization are at all time highs.  He believes there is little that is 'worse' than any other time period.   I don't completely agree or disagree with him in his argument.  While I do not doubt his references to statistics and studies,  I believe there are a couple of big factors (and they are very closely intertwined) that have led to our current state of morality.  They are modern-day attitudes of complacency and fear and the instant stream of communication.

While sexuality, pornography, dishonesty, teen pregnancy rates, kidnappings, sexual abuse, etc., etc. may not be different statistically than generations ago, they are more accepted, more available, more heard about and more easily attained.  

Referring to the examples above that spurred all of these thoughts.

Selling padded bikini tops to young girls.  We are a far-cry from keeping things age appropriate.  We are sexualizing and placing important emphasis on appearances on our children (girls) way too young.   Now, I'm not one of those that thinks babies in jeans is inappropriate or a little nail polish on a toddler or little girls in dress-up high heels are akin to corruption.  But sure, ear-rings on a newborn, fake-nails on a seven-year-old, highlighted hair on a ten-year-old, and a first grade boy with ears-pierced seems extremely premature. (I've seen all of these things at local elementary schools!)  

Likewise, the not-even-three-year-old that sat next to me during a pedicure recently, left me being able to do little more than stare with my eyes and mouth wide open.  She was demanding a particular design and color on her toe.  She was demanding a fruit snack from her little purse.  All the while her mother saying, "Be careful _____, you're going to chip the polish on your fingernails."  

SHE'S TWO!!!!!!  TWO!! TWO!!  Shouldn't she be at home playing with baby dolls or sliding on a slide? And sure, maybe getting her nails painted by mom (or big sister!), but professionally?  

Call me old fashioned, call me whatever, but I think we are putting too many pressures of looks, style,  fashion and maintenance on children way too young.  Let them be kids.

Facebook.  Now, should I really even get started on Facebook?  It clearly states that you have to be thirteen years of age to set up an account.  Yet, I have received several friend requests of family members, neighbors and friends clearly not thirteen years old.  What message are we sending to our children?  I'm not even talking about the parents that approve it, I'm talking about the 'friends' that 'accept them'.  They are breaking rules.  They are at a personal risk for safety.  They are being dishonest.  They are lying.  Enough said.

Church Buildings.  I am continually amazed and beyond thankful, that more crimes do not happen in church buildings.  Not just because the buildings themselves are open to the public, but the congregations have very predictable schedules, patterns and behaviors.  With my responsibility to oversee 70+ Primary children each week, I take very seriously the need to impose guidelines and expectations for the children, instead of allowing them to roam the halls with no supervision.  Again, I know abuse, safety issues, kidnappings, etc. have been around for centuries and centuries, but we know too much nowadays about the consequences of such things to sit back and simply hope it doesn't happen.  

So much comes back to everyone being so concerned nowadays about offending people that we have begun to breed a general disrespect of modesty, honesty, integrity, safety and appropriateness.  It seems it is easier to stand by and say nothing than to open your mouth and take a stand for not accepting immoral, inappropriate or dishonest behaviors.  Now I'm certainly not saying, let's go back to the days of Scarlet Letters. Of course I'm not, but we sit around and let a young woman lead a meeting based on values of modesty, virtue and goodness, all the while wearing a dress that barely covers her thighs.  Or we 'friend' people on Facebook who we know should not have an account because we wouldn't want to hurt their feelings.  Or we ooh and aah over the cuteness of a little girl in a salon, or see nothing wrong with girls in padded bikinis, because heaven forbid, we wouldn't want to be seen as rude.  Second to that, we have an instant stream of communication that is available all day every day.  We have billboards, movies, commercials, music, radio, magazines, internet, text messaging, and the like at our immediate disposal everywhere and anywhere we go.  

Oh I have so much more to say, (surprise!) but I won't.  Because really, it ultimately all comes down to personal opinions and perceptions.  And of course we can legitimately argue that it all comes back to individuality.  Because reality is how I parent and how you parent are personal, individual and unique.  BUT, we are all part of the same society.  And unless we live in a bubble, we all rub shoulders and influence each other, good and bad.

Between our concerns of offending people, the complacent attitudes among us, and the exposure everywhere we turn, what really is there to do?

I certainly don't claim to have a solution.  

Half

I was bound determined this year, I would make Megan a half birthday cake despite the fact she had been 'hired' by Grandpa to make Nana's real birthday cake.

It was a crazy day.  Filled to the brim with this and that.  But I wanted Megan to come home from school to her half cake and her half present.  I wanted the kids to be able to eat a piece of half cake with enough time to spare that it could have time to digest before they ate a piece of real cake at Nana's birthday party later that evening.  (Did you get all that?!)

So yesterday, at 3:17pm, with twenty minutes or so to spare before the kids got home, I had two little boys screaming at the top of their lungs (for different reasons), and I found I was all out of cocoa! (I ONLY make chocolate frosting from scratch!)

Fortunately with a quick phone call, some was delivered promptly to my house.
(Ah-I love good neighbors.)

All was good in the world.
After all, who wouldn't love an after school snack of chocolate cake?

And, I might add--Megan's paid cake job went very well.

Grandpa must have been pretty impressed.  He gave Megan a tip that matched the original payment.
Not too shabby.

(I'm considering changing careers.
Motherhood is considerably underpaid.
I'm thinking of switching to cake-maker.)

Megan is 12 and a HALF!!
Happy Half Birthday!

An Unusual Prayer

One evening last week, Mike and I sat at the kitchen table playing a game of Scrabble while our children played, fought, argued, practiced, colored, cried, etc. around us.  It was quite noisy and chaotic, but at the same time, it was a very typical, quiet evening at home.

Mike and I had just gone to a wedding reception a couple of nights before and referring to the bride and groom we had recently congratulated I asked Mike, "Do you think (they) have absolutely any idea what their life will be like in ten-fifteen-twenty years?"  I continued to analyze why when Mike and I were dating and engaged, we never discussed or projected exactly what our lives would be like with however many kids, and what we would be doing one day down the road on a 'quiet' Sunday evening.

As I looked around at the mayhem surrounding us, I told Mike that I would have never have come close to imagining things exactly as they are.  And Mike, in all his wisdom said, (referring to the newly wed couple), it's just as well they don't know exactly what life will bring them, otherwise we may not make the right choices.

Wise words.  For the most part, it's probably good that we don't have that cliche crystal ball we've all expressed desire for at sometime in our lives.

And with all that being said, it made me think of all the things we never thought we'd ever have to say or do as parents.

Like for example, when I used to have to explain to Luke as a pre-schooler that we don't store boogers on our foreheads.  (true story--he used to pick his nose and then put them there!) or what I have been praying for, for the past few weeks.

A loose tooth.

Ellie's first grade year is quickly winding down.  I think there are only about 37 days left of the school year.  Ellie's first grade teacher has been known for years as the "Tooth Fairy Teacher".  She makes a big to-do about lost teeth.  She has a little box they can put them in, a little club they become a member of, you know all those exciting things to do when you loose your first few teeth.

Only problem is. There's only one child who is not a member of the theoretical Lost Tooth Club.
And it is my daughter!

The one who is one of the top students in the class.
Is a fabulous reader.
Has never missed a word on a spelling test.
Always gets compliments on her behavior.
Turns in every homework assignment on time.

But can't quite make it into the most important part of first grade.
"The Lost Tooth Club."

I would never, ever, ever have guessed that would be one of my prayers as a mother.
For my daughter to quickly, and timely,
LOSE A TOOTH!!!!

Happy, Happy Day!

In no particular order---here are the highlights of Joshua's 4th birthday!

-His absolute confusion about having a 'friend party' on Saturday but not his real birthday until Sunday.

-His first 'friend party'! Which coincidentally happens to take the record as the QUIETEST birthday party I've ever attended. Despite the fact there were eight three and four year old little boys, they hardly made a peep or cracked a smile. And no, it isn't because I don't 'do' fun parties. I DO! I think it's because for nearly all of them, it was their first time attending a friend's birthday party.  (Yes, I got a slight complex that maybe they weren't having a good time, but such is life!)

-Giving his first talk in Primary, and looking like he was going to cry when he was sung the birthday song to in Primary!

-Joshua's request for waffles for breakfast and pancakes for dinner!  (He got tortillas for dinner instead!)

-Asking if there were more presents?

-Luke's gift of a homemade saddle!

-His face when he opened up the 'soft Woody' that he has suggested to me for months can probably be found at the 'toy inception at Walmite'. (I must get a recording of him saying that phrase!)

-When given the three choices (Oranges & Lemons, Pass the Parcel or Woody Round-Up) of what game to play first during his Sunday party with just us, Nana and Grandpa, he chose a game not on the list--'Hide and Seek'. How could we not oblige him, he is the Birthday Boy after all!

(Joshua had the best hiding place--next to the tv! See him in there?)

-His face when Grandpa won the prize at the bottom of the Pass The Parcel game! Nice Grandpa, told Joshua, "How about I forget to take it home when I leave?"

-Joshua's expression and comment when he saw his cake that I agonized over for days and then just kind of did whatever with.  "I kind of like it," he said.

-Megan's kindness and enthusiasm to make the cupcakes for his real birthday on Sunday, while I was gone to a church meeting.

(the hat didn't stay on for the duration of the blows!)

-Joshua begging to be allowed into my closet last night to help with balloons.  (The hanging balloon tradition I mentioned here.)

-Joshua's insistence that it feels different being four.

And maybe it does.  I don't really remember.  It's been quite a while since I was four.  All I know is that I love four year olds. I love the things they say and the things they do.  (For the most part!)

Happy 4th Birthday Joshua!

Around Here

It has been kind of a long week around here. It isn't that it's Spring Break from school and the weather has been cold, rainy and snowy.  It isn't even because I've been kind of feeling blue about a few things.

I think it is because of the anticipation of Joshua's birthday on Sunday.  All day every day I hear, "How many more days until my birthday?"  To a three-almost-four year old, four, five and six days are a lllooonnnggg time.

Now we're getting close. Today when Joshua woke up, we could finally say, 'TOMORROW is your party.'  And then of course tomorrow morning we'll finally be able to say, 'TOMORROW is your birthday.'

Somewhere along the line he did get confused though, when he heard this morning 'Tomorrow is your party', he sadly said, "I thought when we wake up on our birthdays there are presents and balloons."  Sunday, Joshua, Sunday.

Back to Spring Break.  I'm not one of those moms that fills our days off from school with field trips and planned activities.  We still have jobs, chores and consequences around here.  And when one child faced a possible stay-home-from-the-planned-movie-theater-trip consequence, I couldn't help but wonder aloud to Mike how other mother's are able to do so many planned field trips amidst jobs, consequences and responsibility. Again, it was a lesson to me in either persevering in my efforts, or relaxing more....

We did enjoy the one warmish day with an outing to Temple Square.  We try to go two or three times a year, and of course have been waiting for Mike to be able to recover enough to walk around.  It was actually a fairly quick trip.  We enjoyed a picnic lunch on the Main Street plaza, playing at the Church History Museum children's exhibit, enjoying the unique beauty of the Temple Square gardens, and perhaps the most anticipated of all:  riding the Trax train.   (Why oh why are there so many interesting characters on those trains that my children feel the need to stare at?)

We spent a day at my BFF's house doing not really anything.  We ate lunch, the kids played, I sat at Melanie's i-tunes deciding what songs to pirate, and Melanie baked a delicious treat for dessert. One of the kids pulled out a scrapbook from 2003-4 that we all looked at.  Upon returning home, I spent the evening feeling melancholy about how quickly time really does pass us by.

I enjoyed a dinner out with two good friends.  We covered an array of topics during our meal that produced both laughter and heart-felt tears.  I love those types of conversations.  I love dear friends.

We've had late nights with neighbor friends, complete with make-up, chunks of glitter on scalps, pretend classroom set-ups, papers galore, movies, and brownies mushed into the floor.

Luke got a pretty good hole in his pants and good scrape on his knee as a result of a brave exit from a fast moving skateboard down a hill.  Fortunately his pants are from a local store with a 'Kid Tough Promise' and are easily replaceable.  His knee is a different story unfortunately.  We have used a lot of Neosporin and Bandaids to try and heal the scrape.  It is constantly weeping, and Luke seems to not see anything wrong with leaving soaked through Bandaids and gauzes lying around the house.

We've had sleep-overs on the family room floor and I don't think we've had a night yet where all five children slept in their proper beds.

Mike and I attended the temple and even though the guy in front of Mike made me CRAZY, (I know, I know, I was at the temple, but alas you think I'm perfect, I'm not.  People bug me.  Even at the temple!)  I enjoyed the peace, encouragement and perspective that only being in the temple can bring.  We came home from the temple to the aftermath of World War III, but such is the risk when leaving five kids under the supervision of the twelve year old big sister in the middle of a day.

I allowed Megan, Luke and Ellie to go to the local movie theater alone.  Perhaps that is a questionable parenting choice to some, but I felt like sending them together, armed with a cell phone and strict instructions to stay together as a threesome was worth a try.  It went off without a hitch.  Although they were all sorely disappointed that they hadn't gone with the larger size popcorn!

As you can see, I chose for the most part to keep my camera put away.  I've tried to soak in these moments that I know are so fleeting.  Sure I may forget the visual of Megan and Ellie donning Mexican costumes to dance, or Luke lifting a replica of the Gold Plates, or Joshua and Drew fishing from Nephi's ship at the Book of Mormon Exhibit at Temple Square.  But, that is okay.  Sometimes, you just have to live in the moment.

I did however, have to pull the camera out when all five of my children decided one morning to get out the Karoke machine to sing and dance to Justin Bieber music.  Drew's excitement and enthusiasm to be singing into a microphone never wavered, whether he was copying the sounds of 'Never Say Never' or reverting to his old favorite, 'I Love To See The Temple.'

It's been quite the week around here. Full of opposites, good, bad, happy, sad.  Now if the weekend can just hurry up and get here, Joshua's birthday could quite possibly be the perfect end to it.