Recently in a meeting, I happened to glance at the notes a lady in front of me was taking. Several of the notes she had written down were goals to be a better mother to her children. I suddenly became squirmish in my seat. It wasn’t the goals themselves that caused my discomfort, and it wasn’t even the fact that I was peeking into somebody’s private thoughts…
My personal discomfort stemmed from my own weakness. You see, she is a mother that in the past I (ashamedly admit), have privately criticized her mothering .
For days after peeking at that mother’s paper I felt guilty, guilty for seeing her thoughts, and guilty for being so quick to frequently judge her. I forced myself to think of some of her mothering strengths. And guess what!? She has several. She even has some mothering strengths that I have yet to cultivate. Really, as a frequently sung religious song, says, “Who am I to judge another when I walk imperfectly?”
Too frequently, we as mothers compare ourselves to others and feel less than we are. We feel that we will never be as good as Martha down the street, or we will never master a particular quality that Sally over the road has perfectly mastered. But, do we not as mothers also do the opposite? Surely I am not the only mother that has compared myself to another mother and been quick to pat myself on the back for what I perceive to be better mothering practices.
She is trying. I am trying. You are trying. And maybe some days, your efforts and my efforts aren’t truly our best. But on those days, do we really need or want to judge or be judged? Ultimately, aren’t we as mothers much more similar than different?
As mothers, we are each other’s worst critics.
What a tragedy.
Beautifully put. I remembering someone telling me once that I was doing a great job and my kids were perfect. I thought, "Don't say that, you just jinxed one of my kids." (then I experienced the joy of watching a child turn his back on everything I taught him.)I have also learned that no matter how hard I try and how much repenting and correcting of my own mistakes I do, they are entitled to make their own choices. My siblings and I are often critical of our mother. I think she did a perfect job. She loved us and introduced us to the Savior. The rest is up to us. I think you are a wonderful mother along with every young mother that I watch in this ward. You are terrific.
ReplyDeleteI was given the great opportunity to hear a mother (who raised 4 adopted children & whom I respect & admire greatly) tell me that my children are obedient and well behaved. On the same day, my husband told me that I handled a situation between 2 of my girls "like a pro". Then upon trying to get my children to go to bed, I promptly lost my temper & yelled at them. And so it goes, and so it goes. We are definitely our own worst critics. But fortunately, the sun rises on each new day giving us a blank canvas on which to paint our mothering masterpiece. We need only keep the eraser handy ("I'm sorry") in order to make it beautiful. I may have to blog this!
ReplyDeleteSo well put! We all have are good and bads days on mothering! I have to remind myself that often. I am always looking at other mothers and how amazing they are and can do some much or on the other end that wow...they are out of control..(sad but I do) but I have to remeber..that it's just the day. We all strive to be and do our best...its out nature.
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