Monday, January 7, 2013

Oh The Places a Toothbrush Goes

Believe me, you wouldn't want a photo included that actually "goes with" this post, so instead I'll show a picture of my children during more innocent times.

Recently on a local radio talk show the hosts were talking about toothbrushes in stockings. One of the radio hosts concluded that Santa obviously really didn't like the children if toothbrushes were found in stockings. Whatever! I have no problem with Santa being practical every once in a while.

Considering I have a slight bias towards Santa being practical as well as frivolous, I didn't even consider doubting Santa's love for our children when on Christmas morning each child pulled a toothbrush out of their stocking.

I must digress for just a moment...
One of my children's favorite stories of Mike's childhood, and one Mike enjoys telling is about the time his older brother, David, received a new pair of shoes. Mike feeling envious that David got shoes, and he did not, decided one day to pee in his brothers brand new shoes.
Back to my story.

A day or so after the excitement of all the other gifts had died down, long enough to pay attention to the toothbrushes, I began to second guess Santa's choices...When the two little boys realized the older three children received battery operated toothbrushes, and the two youngest got regular ones. (Albeit Elmo and Lightening McQueen ones.)

The toothbrushes have obviously been quite a novelty. At least among the battery-operated owners. Teeth brushing is now happening at least twice a day, even for the child who sometimes barely ever brushed once a day. It's quite the accomplishment around here. So much so that I've decided to appease Joshua's incessant requests since Christmas for a "toothbrush like the other kids have", for no other reason than to get him on the frequent teeth brushing band-wagon too.

Megan didn't need a fancy toothbrush to increase her teeth-brushing frequency, but I kept hearing about how she refused to use her new toothbrush. She (as usual) kept bringing the toothbrush non-use up at irrelevant times and although I'd hear the odd words like, "Drew", "bum", "toothbrush", "never", "I'm serious," and "refuse" in the same sentence, I'd tune her out/ignore her most of the time.

(Before you judge my parenting skills of ignoring a child, remember this is the child that doesn't stop talking. Megan will interrupt us in our bed at night at least 63 times to ponder such things as, "Where do you think snakes go during the winter?" or "On my 16th birthday, maybe we could..." So monologues about toothbrushes didn't seem important enough to talk about on the way to church, during family prayer time, or when Mike and I were falling asleep.)

Sunday evening, when mentioning I was going to the store the next day, Joshua asked if I could please get him a new toothbrush. Remembering Megan never used hers, (and knowing Santa would be quite irritated  at a somewhat overpriced device not being used) I opted to get to the bottom of Megan's whole not-using-the-toothbrush saga.

Beware, that pun is intended.

Somehow, as a valid, trusted, witness source, Luke was chosen to give the explanation of Drew and the now unusable toothbrush. Luke was just about in bed for the night when he was summoned to the loft (family den) to explain to Mike and me what exactly happened in the days following Christmas that has deemed Megan's toothbrush untouchable. It was quite fitting that Luke was wearing only his underwear (his choice of pajamas), as that was of course 100% realistically what Drew was wearing when "the incident" occurred.

I became slightly uncomfortable as Luke's toothbrush demonstration began, and I put a quick halt to his one person theatrical debut, when I began to realize what really happened to the toothbrush.  I think it was the part where Luke started to chant the words, "brush, brush, brush" as he began demonstrating Drew's actions of brushing his bum cheeks.

(I have no idea where Mike, Megan or I were when Drew and the toothbrush mis-use was occurring.)

I didn't know whether to laugh because really it was quite a funny little re-enactment of Drew's escapades with Megan's toothbrush. Or be appalled that Drew would think toothbrushes have any need to come in contact with his bum. OR, be disappointed with the fact that Santa's money was being wasted and the toothbrush was well and truly being declared a final time by Megan, who had now joined us in the loft,  that she was "NEVER AGAIN USING THAT TOOTHBRUSH."

But then Joshua, good old Joshua. The Joshua who so frequently hands over a toy to Drew to make peace, declared, "I will just have Megan's toothbrush, then you won't have to buy me one."

I started to feel badly that Joshua would have a purple, girly toothbrush as his own. But then I realized if Joshua doesn't care that the toothbrush has brushed his brother's bum, (and other unmentionables), he certainly must not care that it is purple.

The worst part of the whole thing?
I'm taking Joshua up on his offer to keep and use the purple toothbrush.
May as well save money where I can.


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