Saturday, November 21, 2009

Some Wishes Come True

As a young girl I loved baby dolls.
I loved playing house. I loved playing church. I loved pretending I was a mom. After a few years, I got tired of baby dolls, I wanted a real baby in the house. It took a while, but when I was eight years old, my mom finally brought home a real baby, my brother Casey. I loved him. I loved holding him, I loved playing with him, I loved him.

(Casey and Tiffany, March 1983)

Two and a half years later, when I was eleven, another baby came. My brother, James. I loved him too. Though I had grown out of the 'baby doll' stage by then, I still loved him. I used to feed him, I loved to hold him, I even potty trained him. I loved him.
(Tiffany and James, December 1985)

Today Ellie was holding Drew while he drank his bottle. He didn't want his nose picked and he didn't want to be held, especially precariously by a 5 year old.

Usually, I would say to Ellie "just put him down and let him be."

But not today. For some reason instead, my mind traveled back to myself as a child. I loved playing house with 'the real thing.' I loved holding my baby brothers. I remember pretending I was the mom. I wished I was the mom.

I couldn't wait to be a mom.

I couldn't wait to one day have a sick child want only me to hold them, like my brothers wanted my mom.

I couldn't wait to grow up and be cooking in the kitchen and have a baby/toddler cry at my legs to be held, like they did to my mom.

I know how Ellie's mind works. I've heard her play house. I used to do the same things. I know she dreams of being a mom too.

And though sick children needing to be held, and underfoot toddlers while cooking, are not always convenient...

My childhood wishes have come true.

I am a mom.

I have had sick children want only me to hold them and I have had children climb at my legs while I cook.

My most frequent childhood wish has come true. I am a mom.

I hope the same for Ellie (and Megan).
It is even better than playing house.


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