Not the Best, But not the Worst

(Yes, in case you are wondering, my hands are holding children in place and are not gentle grips of love or affection.)

As far as Mother's Days go, I've had better ones. But as I prepared for bed on Sunday night, I reread the notes my children gave me and was reminded that I really do like my job.

"You are nice most of the time."

"My mom is fune" (funny)

"You are pretty much the best mom!"

"I like you."

"I hope I'm like you when I'm older."

I think my favorite Mother's Day gifts were the coupons I received from Ellie, especially these two. Although the excitement over them quickly evaporated when I showed them to Mike and he laughed. Not so sure he exactly permitted Ellie to grant me such a gift.

Oh well.
I could say the great sunny, Sunday spent with my fabulous children was far better than if a weekend away by myself to a fabulous location AND an unlimited shopping spree had legitimately been on my list of received gifts.

But that would be a lie.

And I'm not good at that.

Which is why I'll say, as far as Mother's Days go, there have been better ones.

My Brief Encounter With Stardom

(I may or may not have taken this photo secretly from the window, hoping the professional reporter (who really was very down to earth and I loved her!) couldn't see.)

It was kind of a fun surprise on Tuesday morning when I had an email from a KSL Radio reporter (television and radio station here in Utah) asking if she could interview me. Yes! Of all people, me!

She had heard some recent podcasts I was involved in and some articles I've written on Power of Moms, and wanted to come to my house and interview me for a 2 part series in honor of Mother's Day.

It was a little exciting.
OK-kind of a lot exciting.
Like, immediately call Mike to tell him kind of exciting.
Except he didn't answer.
So I called him again.
He didn't answer. Apparently he was in a meeting.
So I called him again. I mean, come on! His wife is about to be interviewed for a radio show and a meeting with some architects is more important??
So I called him again.

According to Mike, he apologetically said to his fellow meetingers, "I'm sorry. I should take this call, I think it may be an emergency." (Because I don't get emailed by reporters very often, and therefore, rarely call him 3 times in a row.)

So okay, it wasn't exactly an emergency, but I still think Mike should have started jumping up and down with my good news instead of whispering, "Nice. But can I call you back? I'm in a meeting." (He didn't even tell the good news to his fellow-meeting attendees!!!!!)

And to think a couple of hours later I was being interviewed and actually referred to him as my "biggest cheerleader."

Which he is...
As long as he isn't in a meeting with architects.

Anyway.
It was fun standing with my children gathered around the radio in my kitchen Thursday morning and hearing the story on KSL. I loved that Megan requested being driven to school so she wouldn't miss it.

Then again, as dinner was being served on Thursday evening, we listened to it being aired again.

Friday morning we listened intently again gathered around the kitchen radio for Part 2. Except Megan, after being assured it would be on again Friday evening said she was going to ride the bus. I did suggest she ask the bus driver to switch the radio to 102.7FM.

She rolled her eyes.

Seconds after both Thursday and Friday radio segments were over my phone rang with Mike whooping and hollering with pride. I have now forgiven him for the whispered, "Nice. But can I call you back? I'm in a meeting" response from Tuesday.

For Thursday's Part 1 segment, click HERE.
(Yes. The whole "lay on the couch" part was slightly out of context. I must do a blog post about the real "lay on the couch" practice though. It has resonated with a lot of people.)
Friday's Part 2 segment, click HERE.
(This one should air again today at 5:45pm)

A Disagreement

Mike and I are for the most part, on the same page with parenting. Of course we certainly have our disagreements over privileges, discipline, systems, etc. But really, more often than not, as far as parenting decisions go we agree with each other.

Except for the past 6 weeks or so, we've been in a little of a disagreement about one particular thing. Actually, I think Mike vacillated between "yes" and "no." I, on the other hand, never changed my original answer, "NO!!!!"

"The question" that was in question?

"Can I get another goat?"

Last year, when Luke got Lily, we knew 2 goats would be it. Luke was content, Mike and I were content, and all seemed well. Except of course, Lily didn't make it through the winter. Following Lily's death, Mike and I were very mindful that with spring and "goat-birth season" arriving, the question would certainly arise, "Can I get another goat?"

Now. I must explain Luke's grief over Lily is still very tender, raw and real. If he could, he would never get another animal if only Lily could come back. Of course she can't. Luke is convinced that Hank has never acted the same since that dreadful January day, and as much as Luke wants another goat, his convincing arguments are most often for Hank.

I said no. My mother heart doesn't want another baby animal and I certainly don't want to go through another winter with a baby goat. Hank is strong and healthy, and I don't worry about him. (Not that I ever worried about any of these *darn* goats until January!)

Mike knew my answer was no. Luke pretty much did too, as I always answered his questions with, "That's Dad's department."

Last week Mike was teetering very close to my side, and said to Luke, "I think for now your time, money and energy is best spent on the animals you already have." I was feeling very triumphant, until I saw Luke's face as he left our bedroom. I knew that another wave of grief was about to hit.

It did, and it wasn't pretty. It was downright heartbreaking. Both Mike and I had to hold back our own tears as Luke laid in our bed crying about missing Lily.

I knew I was dangerously at risk of losing my arguments, but I kept quiet and let Mike handle this wave of grief, with the exception of briefly chiming in, and helping Luke understand that another goat wouldn't make all his sadness go away.

Despite the heartbreaking grief, for a myriad of reasons, a few days later my answer was still a pretty firm "no." Mike on the other hand still kept wavering.

Saturday afternoon, I was busy at a Power of Moms event in Park City. Between my own responsibilities there, and my desire to listen to others, I was pretty occupied and in my own zone. And then I noticed I had a text message on my phone.

There were no words. Just this picture.

Obviously...
Luke won.
I lost.
And depending on who you ask, Mike is a hero or a villain.

Meet Dudley.
The latest addition to our lives.

Late Halves

Luke turned 11 and a HALF last week. I decided to use the WHOLE cake (2 rounds) to make his HALF cake, thus the quadruple layer cake. It mildly resembled the leaning Tower of Pisa, but with 7 piggish cake lovers around, it didn't have to risk falling for too long. Megan and Ellie made it clear while eating the cake (for the millioneth time) that chocolate cake is not their favorite and they'd never choose it.

Number 1. Whose children are they?
Number 2. How dare they say such blasphemous words.
Number 3. Chocolate cake and HOMEMADE chocolate frosting is the BEST.

Megan turned 14 and a HALF last month, April 12th, the day I left for Las Vegas. Fortunately, I made her chocolate half cake before going to the airport, but unfortunately nobody thought to take a picture of it.

What??
I think it is the first half birthday not caught in a photo.
Oh the misfortunes of life.

Boston--Part 3 (of 3)

Seriously? Can you believe this is a city library? Okay, it is a city like Boston, as in Boston's city library, but still. Could you imagine showing up with your toddlers and pre-schoolers for a weekly story-time at this place? Or even going anytime? I'm fairly certain I'd be brilliant if I lived in the city of Boston, as I'd be inclined to spend a lot of time in library. Okay, maybe not, I'd spent a fair amount of time outside seeing all the other cool stuff, but still, the library was pretty incredible.

And this church??? I should really consider changing religions. LDS churches really don't have a lot of charm to them. Our temples are beautiful buildings, but the church buildings?

(Trinity Church, Boston)

Sunday afternoon we had already planned on going to Copley Square to see the Trinity Church. While sitting in Sacrament Meeting (in a quite charming LDS church building I might add), we saw on the program that there was to be an inter-faith "peace"  benefit concert as at the Trinity Church that afternoon for the victims of the Boston Marathon bombing.

It really was a stroke of great luck to have been able to be a part of it. Even though the concert was a tad long for me. (Although I'll have you know, afterwards my mother-in-law and sister-in-law said the same thing!!!) It was inspiring to see so many faiths join together and perform individual musical numbers. I loved seeing some of the choirs clapping and singing as they really got into their songs.

The Mormon choir, hands down was the best, (even if Mormons rarely ever dance and clap while singing!). I don't think I'm saying it because I am biased. It was really neat to see the reactions (gasps and tears) of some of the people around us as the choir finished their touching rendition of "Come, Come Ye Saints."

In a tie for first place was the final number which all the choirs joined together to sing. That final number was worth all the so-so number's of the previous 90 minutes, when a girl sang one of my favorite songs, Amazing Grace among the other performers.

It was the first day the church had re-opened following the bombings. The pastor spoke with my mother-in-law after, and told her that until just recently all the marathon garbage had stayed on the street, and his church was closed for services. The memorials outside were a stark reminder of the tragedy of that sad day, but the concert inside was a clear juxtaposition to the horrible tragedy of two weeks previous. 

You can read a great write-up about it HERE in the LDS Church News by my mother-in-law. (Totally spontaneous decision for her to start interviewing people post-concert and how fortuitous that Yours Truly always carries a notebook around with her so that I could loan her a couple of pieces of paper after her concert program had no more room for notes. I'm totally fine with the fact she didn't credit me for the note paper in her article.)

(These makeshift memorials to the victims of the bombing were touching to see.)

I haven’t even touched on all the Revolutionary War and other stuff I saw in Boston that I actually very much enjoyed...

This photo Kristin said, “ I would be the rebel, fighting for revolution, and she (referring to me) would be the traditional woman in a dress making the food.”

She was right! I loved hearing the stories of Abigail Adams using her kitchen, and making the musket shells (is that what they’re called?), and taking care of the home. Nothing wrong with being a traditionalist, right?

House where JFK was born. Which is probably on one of the most charming streets in the Boston area. Except for the fact it was garbage day so the photos of the street weren't exactly charming with all the cans lining the road.

Who doesn't love the ocean?

And how could I possibly forget this photo? Of course my feelings towards the Revolutionary War aren't all triumphant and victorious.

These Boston posts are really for my own remembrances anyway, they're long and there are a lot of photos, but oh well. I think I've just about wrapped up a fabulous 5 day trip in 3 blog posts.

Two of my summer goals?
To make a book of this trip, and one for Megan and Luke from our DC trip 2 years ago. I miss old fashioned photo albums.

Hoping No One Else Has Regrets

(photo courtesy of Macy Robison)

Perhaps you read the article written recently by a mother who made the claim that having her two children was the biggest regret of her life. (You can read the article HERE.) Obviously with a headline and article like that, many voices chimed in with their opinions and comments. While not one to typically get wrapped up in shock-value stories, for some reason I’ve had this one on my mind ever since reading it.

When I linked to it on my Facebook page after reading it, I mentioned that I wished I could sit around my kitchen table and discuss it with some of the wonderful women I know. I still do. I feel like there is SO much for all of US to learn from that one mother's experience. 

Despite the author’s shocking claim, and the bluntness of her article, I can’t help but feel sadness for a mother, who started down a path she never enjoyed. Though I don’t know any other mother who feels this way about her role as a mother, I do know mothers who are unsure and unhappy with motherhood. I’m sure you know some too. Which is why, as I think about this regretful mother, I think about how vital it is for each of US as mothers AND women to master a few seemingly simple yet difficult principles.

1. Judge Less
It really is too bad that we frequently need to remind ourselves that we are not walking in anyone’s shoes but our own. I don’t typically read comments from articles, but this article certainly piqued my interest enough to scan through some of them. My intent here, is not to choose sides, but merely to say, perhaps we should be much slower to judge this mother, as we should be with ALL mothers. We would all benefit from reminding ourselves that rarely do we know the whole story. Whether we're observing a mother lacking patience with her children at the grocery store, or reading an article about something we disagree with, too often we (please someone tell me it isn’t only me?) are guilty of jumping up on our mothering pedestals and casting judgement instead of love and encouragement. 

2. Accept Individuality More

Our roles as women are complicated and vast. Some women want motherhood, some do not. Some mothers love being a mother, for others it is something they tolerate. Some mothers stay home with their children, some mothers have employment outside of the home. Some mothers homeschool, some mothers excitedly wave to their children as they board a school bus. Which one is better? Let me correct myself , which one is better for YOU and YOUR family? As mothers, aren’t we glad there are few rights and wrongs in motherhood, and a whole lot of “It’s right for us.”? The stance “It’s right for us” affords us variety and individuality as we mother our children differently. Yet too often we are quick to categorize other mothers doings as “right or wrong”, while wanting our doings categorized as “right for us.” We need to give all mothers the same acceptance we want.

3. Encourage Always

I wonder what a difference it may have been, if the mother who classified having children as “a regret” felt supported and encouraged. I wonder if anyone ever put their arm around her and encouraged her to share her thoughts and feelings. A lot of mothers in our midst are depressed, unhappy and discouraged in their roles as a mother. What are we doing to help them? Oftentimes our assistance can be quite simple, an encouraging word, a couple of hours of babysitting, or a listening ear. Other times our encouragement may need to be more. Either way, what are we doing to encourage other mothers?

Although some of us may love motherhood more than others, being a mother is no easy task for anyone. I think that is one of the reasons the mother sharing her sad story tugged at my heart. Motherhood (and womanhood) is not a cookie cutter type lifestyle. We are all so vastly different, and all in different stages of contentment and confidence. There seems to be some proverbial mold we are supposed to fit, but few do. We need to toss the mold and cut each other some slack.

Too often, we mothers are our own worst enemies. I’m a firm believer that the more we encourage, and strengthen the mothers around us, the better we will become in the process. At the risk of controversy, I say bravo to the mother for being brave enough to share her story. Perhaps in the process she has encouraged and helped another mother.

I find it fitting that at the end of the article, the mother refers to her adult children, one of whom now has a debilitating disease, and she is the full-time care-giver. As only a mother could, she states that if it were possible, she would have the disease instead of her daughter. She further says she would cut off her right arm if either of her children needed it.

What does this tell us? She is a mother who loves her children.

We mothers are far more similar than we are different.

Boston--Part 2 (of 3)

I think we visited every single cemetery in the state of Massachusetts during our travels. Not really, but we saw a lot. And I loved them. LOVED THEM.

There is just something about walking amidst headstones looking at names and dates, and a few words that surmise a person's life.

I was fascinated that within feet of each other in one cemetery were the graves of some of the literary greats of yesteryear.

Could you have imagined living in the same community as some of these greats?

I loved this modern day Thoreau. He never stepped out of character. What an awesome guy! I almost got a fit of giggles while he was speaking, but fortunately I was able to think morbid thoughts and suppress my laughter. It wasn't that he was funny, it was just those "wrong emotion at the wrong time" moments.

My favorite new quote, I learned from this trip is from Thoreau, what a motto for life:

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.

I can't exactly meander off to the woods to do this, but I need to live this way amidst the hustle and bustle of my everyday life.

(Thoreau's home and Laurie and Kristin at Walden Pond)

Visiting Plymouth Rock was one of my favorite places we visited. We were all disappointed that the Mayflower replica was gone being fixed. But we were able to see the Plymouth Rock. It was December when these pilgrims stepped onto the shores of Plymouth. Imagine the ice and cold that these poor pilgrims encountered. Next Thanksgiving, the re-told story of the pilgrims will hold a little more significance, I felt blessed to have visited such a site.

This monument was very impressive. The finger pointing heavenward of the lady, "Faith" alone is 2 feet tall. Each section had engraved in a word--it was touching to read those words and really think about the reasons those pilgrims sought for a better life.

(education, law, wisdom, peace, liberty, etc.)

The hilly cemetery in Plymouth was incredible. I loved seeing the grave of some of the pilgrims that came across on the Mayflower.

(We even found one that had descendants that became Utah pioneers.)

I think the graves that touched me the most though were some of the "ordinary" people. Such as these ones, three young children, their ages counted down to the years, months and days. (Only months for one of them.), and then in the grave next to them lay their mother.

Enough about death.

History anyone?

Laurie is big on really delving into the history of places, and each time we sat in a "movie" I imagined I would be bored. It never happened. In fact, one of them, about John and Abigail Adams, and their family was fascinating. Their relationship is a love story, and watching the movie and seeing the dynasty of their family was a great way to springboard into the tour of their old homes.

Oh, I wished I had a picture of the tour guide in one of them. He had the best Boston accent, and the best (worst?) hair. I'm not sure he's ever seen a comb, but anyway, back to our early country forefathers.

Adored Abigail and John Adams' final home. I loved learning small details about their day to day life, and absolutely loved the inside tour of this final home they lived and died in.

(Peacefield House)

My favorite in the home, was hearing the end of their (life) love story. We saw the bed that Abigail Adams died in. As she lay dying of Typhoid Fever, John said to her, "I wish I could climb in there and go with you." I got all choked up thinking about John and Abigail and the fact they will never be separated again. Not that they have been for a couple hundred years, but still.

Our visit to Quincy, MA actually makes me want to attempt to start again one of the books Laurie suggested I read before our trip. Who knows, I just may become cultured after all.