Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Mediocrity at It's Finest

You know it is mediocre parenting when you...
  • tell your child to pull a pair of shorts out of the dirty clothes basket to wear
  • put your child in front of the television with a bowl of candy to afford you just a little time to accomplish a task
  • kiss your child goodbye and then with a hand on their back push them towards the bus steps
  • repeatedly respond to your toddlers demands to put syrup in every single square of the waffle and as the toddler whines when the syrup evaporates and he thinks it never got in the hole in the first place you pour more
  • know your child has shirked a responsibility and you pretend you haven't noticed
  • repeatedly ignore the toddler's request for 'holdies' because darn it, it is almost noon and the breakfast dishes are still out
  • when one child chases another threatening to throw a toy at them, instead of intervening you simply tell the victimized child to run faster
  • place more importance on the recently cleaned carpet than a child's feelings
  • have family prayer while driving in the car because as soon as it pulls into the garage you want everyone separated, in their beds and out of your sight
  • laugh and take a picture of your toddler wearing size 3-6 month pajamas instead of saving him from his sister's wrath
  • tell your child "DO NOT TALK TO US" unless the computer she is doing her homework on catches fire or her cough causes her to quit breathing 
  • after shaking off the crumbs, you put the plates the kids use back in the cupboard instead of the dishwasher
  • secretly wish you had powers to make your children disappear for just a few hours
  • don't find any hospitality in you when the goat and rabbit have joined us for dinner and are being fed from non-animal dishes
  • in a moment of frustration you toss a favorite pair of flip-flops in the garbage that belong to a child who owns (and leaves out) far too many pairs of shoes, and you don't feel the least bit guilty about it
  • when you're fixing breakfast and you mutter to yourself how much you dislike fixing breakfasts, packing lunches, doing hair, etc. and then come to think of it, you can't help but wonder what part of the day exactly you do like?
Some days are mediocre. Thank heavens they all aren't!

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