Monday, May 24, 2010

A Memory for Monday (with a boy named Mike)

When I was in college, I met a guy named Mike. We instantly became great friends.  He had a best friend, I had a best friend, and the four of us had oh, so many great times together.  We were such good friends.  In fact,  I knew all about Mike's different girlfriends, and Mike would do drive-bys with me so I could drive by 'the boy I loved's' house lots of times in a row, because 'the boy I loved' wouldn't recognize Mike's car.

Oh we were great friends.  I love to read my journal about what a great guy I thought he was... and how I hoped the girl he married deserved I hoped he married so-and-so because they made such a cute I admired his strong work ethic...and how I hoped in years to come, we'd still be able to somewhat keep in contact...  (Way before the days of Facebook...)

We were the best of friends.
And then.
After a couple of years,
I decided,
I liked him a little bit more than that.

And then I started feeling a little prompting.  Over weeks, the prompting became stronger, and what I knew and fully recognized as the Holy Ghost, was prompting me to admit my true feelings to this friend of mine.  It was not easy.  Oh it was not easy.  I was scared.  I was embarrassed. I was nervous. But, with REO Speedwagon's encouragement,
I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear...

I decided I couldn't hold out any longer.
May 22, 1996 I told Mike that I liked him more than a friend.
His response?
"You're like a sister. I could never kiss a sister."
I count that conversation as one of the most difficult, raw, awkward, yet honest conversations thus far in my life.  (And I've had plenty...)

And then a week or so later, Mike graduated from college and moved away.
And I, trying my hardest to keep my head held high went on with my life.


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