Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Reality Check

Just minutes before I was due out the door for a district PTA meeting the other morning, I dropped (with extra strength) the laundry basket full of clean clothes on my bedroom floor, (with a not-so-nice tone) I turned to Mike and questioned,

"What in the H#*@ did I get myself into?"

Mike politely replied,
"Oh you mean doing PTA?"

"No" I responded loudly, and with a lot of emphasis,
"I mean motherhood"

Some days are like that.
Last night, the girls would not go to sleep, and thus slept in way too late this morning.
The kids bathroom somehow got overlooked during cleaning hour on Saturday.  It could well be deemed unsanitary by the local health board.
The bikes, scooters and wagons are strewn across my yard, and may never find their proper put-away-place until the next few seasons are over.
There are cupcake crumbs from last night's dessert still sitting on the table.
A forgotten school book lays on the counter.
The current world events are a stark reminder that our 72 hour kits still aren't quite finished.
The healthy breakfast of wheat toast and yogurt sits untouched on the table, while my son is settled on the couch watching a home movie and eating Swedish Fish.
My almost two-year old still asks for (and receives) a bottle several times a day.
My husband is still spending most of his time in bed.  He has spent the past few days captivated and saddened by  the events in Japan.  He is seeing specific cities, landmarks, and neighborhoods, that he remembers spending time in during his LDS mission, destroyed.

And then there are more personal, yet serious, life-changing events going on in our current life.   I am not going to broach the topics that add such angst to my current state of mind, in a public forum like this, instead I will answer the question I asked Mike the other day,

"What in the H#*@ did I get myself into?"

Having Joshua fall asleep on my lap while sitting outside on a pleasant almost Spring like day.
Drew snuggled up to my chest, his head resting on my shoulder being rocked back to sleep in the middle of the night.
Shopping and running errands with Megan on Saturday, and laughing and having fun together.
Ellie holding hands with both Mike and me as we walked into Costco yesterday.
Luke's smile and enthusiasm after he finally convinced me to come watch him circle the cul-de-sac a few times on his new bike.

In the midst of apprehensiveness, and uncertainty going on at our house, I allow questions like the one I asked Mike the other day, to pop out of my mouth.  In those brief moments, I allow myself to view motherhood as an inconvenience to already complicated lives. Briefly, I forget the big picture.

I spent the weekend thinking about that now regrettable question.
I chose to be a mother.
I love being a mother.

And as with most things, I just need to remember you can't have the good without the bad.

And though those really good things, like Joshua falling asleep on my lap, or Ellie's swinging arms as she held hands with Mike and me, may not really seem like anything they are EVERYTHING.
And I wouldn't change it.


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