The other day I read a post from my cousin's blog, and just as we all have sometimes, she was having "one of those days." I on the other hand, (thankfully) had not been feeling those same thoughts for a while, and was able to leave her an encouraging comment.I'll quote a part of her post.
"I try not to compare myself to other women but at times it is so hard! I am not a perfect person, wife, mother or even friend."
I didn't really give her post a second thought until this morning...
Let me give you a little background...
Joshua will be three in April. He still wears diapers. Though he has a sticker chart on the fridge (to mark when he uses the big potty) and a promise of 'a new truck and a WHOLE bag of suckers' he has yet to fill up the chart.
Part of it is him, "I don't want wear unnerwear"
and
most of it is me...
I am honestly not ready to deal with it yet, And, I have mixed feelings about whether to do it when I want it to be done, or the child.
(Potty training Megan and Luke was hell. With Ellie, I waited until she wanted to; one morning just days after her third birthday, she took off her diaper, put on some underwear and has never had an accident since!)
So all that brings me back to-
'I didn't really give her post a second thought until this morning...'
As I sat in church I noticed the little boy sitting in front of me, and his little underwear sticking out of his pants. I immediately felt discouraged. He is five months younger than Joshua. I turned to Mike and said, "That boy is five months younger than Joshua and he wears underwear. I am a loser mom."
And it got me thinking...
WHY? WHY? WHY?
Why do we women do that? Why do we compare ourselves to others?
Maybe that mom has more patience than me. Perhaps her child is more obedient than mine. Perhaps this... Maybe that...
Like my cousin said, "I am not a perfect person, wife, mother or even friend."
She's right. None of us are PERFECT, BUT:
I'm a good person/wife/mother/friend.
The mom in front of me today is a good person/wife/mother/friend.
And my cousin is a good person/wife/mother/friend.
And one of these days, we women need to accept that good is good enough-we don't have to be perfect!
Let me give you a little background...
Joshua will be three in April. He still wears diapers. Though he has a sticker chart on the fridge (to mark when he uses the big potty) and a promise of 'a new truck and a WHOLE bag of suckers' he has yet to fill up the chart.
Part of it is him, "I don't want wear unnerwear"
and
most of it is me...
I am honestly not ready to deal with it yet, And, I have mixed feelings about whether to do it when I want it to be done, or the child.
(Potty training Megan and Luke was hell. With Ellie, I waited until she wanted to; one morning just days after her third birthday, she took off her diaper, put on some underwear and has never had an accident since!)
So all that brings me back to-
'I didn't really give her post a second thought until this morning...'
As I sat in church I noticed the little boy sitting in front of me, and his little underwear sticking out of his pants. I immediately felt discouraged. He is five months younger than Joshua. I turned to Mike and said, "That boy is five months younger than Joshua and he wears underwear. I am a loser mom."
And it got me thinking...
WHY? WHY? WHY?
Why do we women do that? Why do we compare ourselves to others?
Maybe that mom has more patience than me. Perhaps her child is more obedient than mine. Perhaps this... Maybe that...
Like my cousin said, "I am not a perfect person, wife, mother or even friend."
She's right. None of us are PERFECT, BUT:
I'm a good person/wife/mother/friend.
The mom in front of me today is a good person/wife/mother/friend.
And my cousin is a good person/wife/mother/friend.
And one of these days, we women need to accept that good is good enough-we don't have to be perfect!
Great post...I love it. Hey it was good seeing your family, you have beautiful children:)
ReplyDeleteI think you need to write a newspaper column. I'll look in to that for you. :)
ReplyDeleteI totally agree/feel the same way. WHY???
ReplyDeleteNot only should we accept that our good is good enough, but understand that my 'good' may look different than someone else's 'good'.
...and Mom says: So you were like Ellie, only you were barely two. Every kid is different and Joshua is just so dang cute, cherish these moments of childhood...they are gone in an instant. Then all you have is memories and wonder if it was really as hard as it seemed at the time. You know what? Memory and time dim the hard edges and only leave the soft sweet middle!!
ReplyDeleteSometime, and just sometimes, when we compare ourselves we find a way to be better than good enough. By carefuly choosing what we want to do better and good exmaple and comparisions can help us reach higher grounds. Just a different perspective. Mostly, we just compare to compare.
ReplyDeleteGenerally speaking, the more I get to know people, the more I dislike them. This is so because the thing which first endears me most to them becomes over time more and more a source of disappointment the more familiarity sets in and begins to reveal their apparent obliviousness to it. The "it" to which I refer is potential. We all possess it to some degree, but there exists a certain minority in whom it manifests a little more dominantly and for whom a path gets marked early on in their life of becoming a true leader to the others who, for one reason or another, lack the self-confidence and fortitude necessary to blaze a trail of their own. When shrugged aside, this unrealized potential rots away and festers into a putrid ugliness that is hard to match even when compared side-by-side with ignorance. As ugly as it is, at least ignorance has itself to blame.
ReplyDeleteI am always saddened with what predictability someone in whom I had such high hopes runs for the hills at the first sign of discomfort and insecurity. Their fears prevent them from breaking out of their cocoon as a beautiful butterfly, for to take first flight when all we have known is a lifetime of limitation and pedestrian momentum is synonymous with fearlessness - the quality of fearlessness we all hold up and revere most in the character of the protagonist of any given hero's journey, but which so few of us ever dare to ascribe ourselves worthy of possessing.
Now, one might be tempted to believe that this diatribe has no relevance to the question which you so passionately pose (yet again) in this post, but one would be wrong. The reason ANYONE (not just struggling young mothers) compares themselves against others is because they do not yet know who they themselves are. If you knew who you were - really KNEW - you would not feel so compelled to compare yourself to others. You would possess something so rare that everyone you know would feel compelled to ask you what your secret is. Too many caterpillars walking around oblivious to their being butterflies.
An attempt to continue to enjoy the relative comfort of the cocoon long after our wings have come in is to transform it into our tomb. Just once, I would love it if someone whom I knew was in possession of this potential would surprise me and follow the current which leads them into their fears instead of consistently choosing the one that leads to safety and comfort, but which never fails to offer them a steady stream of disappointment, unfulfillment, regret, resignation, self-delusion, neurosis, and mediocrity.
/2 cents
Ha ha! I know how you feel tiff! Gabe wants nothing to do with potty training and we have asked him so many times to try that I think we scared him (He was poopy today and I asked him why he didn't tell me he was poopy and he said "because I am scared, I don't want to go on the big boy potty.") I felt SO bad! So I guess we will just lay off and let him be 4 if he want to potty train!
ReplyDeleteYou are an awesome mom! I have found that stickers and bribing don't work. In Aidens case he potty trained himself in 1 day!!!! This is not normal for 2 year old boys. I think most of it was because he hated wet diapers. You just have to wait until they are ready and try to make it sound fun.
ReplyDeleteNana says: I just want to SIMPLY say I love love love this picture of Joshua!
ReplyDeleteSO very true.
ReplyDeleteBTW Campbell turns 3 on Saturday and you won't see any "unnerwear" poking out from his pants. Nope, he is still in diapers and guess what... I am too lazy to potty train him.
It is all me.
Oh, well ;)
Tiffany...I am touched! I almost found myself in tears reading this...just knowing that all moms at times all feel the same freaking way!! And that you found something to my post! I love you girly!I have to tell you...when I read your comment it made my day! So BIG THANK YOU!! I and I have to say back the same thing.. You are a great mother wife and friend! I think you are amazing and I look up to you! Potty training is a whole issue in itself! Hard hard hard...I hate it! Not looking forward to it what so ever with my guy! I wish I would have read this sooner...as my stupid computer was broke...but have new and loving it!!
ReplyDelete